


The Ghost of You

by InLoveAndSqualor



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Bandom - Freeform, M/M, MCR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-10
Updated: 2010-10-10
Packaged: 2017-11-04 05:24:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InLoveAndSqualor/pseuds/InLoveAndSqualor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikey tries to help his friend Frank get over a girl... Problem is Frank's not told Mikey it's his brother who he was in love with, that he's actually been talking about all this time...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ghost of You

Light flooded in through the newly pulled curtains, blinded eyes that had all but lost the sparkle and joy of life.

Mikey gently placed down Frank's spare keys on his bedside table and looked at the shadow of his friend that lay staring blankly at the ceiling.

"I let myself in," he sighed. "I guessed you wouldn't answer…" He inspected the dark room that felt like a mausoleum. His friend on a self selected death bed surrounded by his misery in an all too visible yet entirely intangible way. Something within his friend had died, and the suggestion just hung in the room like the musty stale air surrounding them.

"All this it isn't healthy, you know?"

Frank laughed. He couldn't muster the effort to do anymore. His arms felt like lead weight beside him. His friend another nuisance, an assault on his senses, when all he wanted to do was let them die.

This isn't healthy? He thought. No, he guessed not. But then what did he care of his health, his life, of anything anymore.

Words don't come easily when you've given up on everything.

Mikey paced the room, looking at empty liquor bottles, discarded glasses, ashtrays overflowing, and the distinct lack of any evidence of normal life.

"You need to eat," he began, "You need to do anything but this."

Frank closed his eyes tight, the disruption of his friend's concern burning into his consciousness, destroying the peaceful solitude he had gathered in the weeks of self-constructed isolation once enjoyed.

Eyes closed memories come crawling back.

_Bodies clashing in violent urgency. Midnight air mixing with sweat and lust and desperation._

Frank takes in a lungful of decaying air, and feels reality of the present sit cruelly upon his chest. His memories are ghosts that never sleep.

Words still evading him, he opens his eyes to glance at his concern laden friend stalking in his periphery. It should be a comfort. Human presence, a friend showing care. But pain in solitude is all consuming and he had long since given in and become somehow comfortable with it's company alone.

**

"I'll make you something to eat…" Mikey tries, staring, his eyes boring into my skull. "Some coffee?" He tries in desperation, and I nod to stop this barrage.  
I watch him fuss his way out and into my kitchen and the relief of his going for a moment feels something like joy.

Alone again thoughts of him return. Gerard and that night. 

_Lips upon lips and hands shaking in hot fevered frenzy. Clothes falling to the floor like autumnal leaves. Scattered and discarded above two friends that felt like strangers discovering each other for the first time._

And the ghost of you sits on the end of my bed, cross legged, smiling. And if you were here right now, is that how you'd be? Would you watch me declining, decaying before your eyes?  
That night it was your smile that wouldn't let me escape, wouldn't let me walk away and stop this before it was too late.

_The sounds and scents of passion thick in the air. The touch of you trailing my torso, making me forget myself. Moment upon moment being created in passion and indiscretion. Your lips scattered upon my waiting torso, skin that feels cool against your hot heat. And as the scent of you that I'd always admired fills my nostrils and attacks my senses; I grab your sweat soaked hair and you sigh into my waiting inches. I feel immortal because you want me. And this with you, it is something I'd always dreamed could be._

From the kitchen I hear the teaspoon rattle against the sides of a coffee cup and it's agonising. It reminds me my friend's here and he's not giving up. Not on me, not like I've done. Not like you have.  
And why can't he just let me peacefully fade away? Because without you I'm nothing, I don't exist. It's like I've died but they took my soul and forgot this useless body. I think the only time I truly felt alive was in your arms, I didn't know it before, but I certainly know it now.

_Hands fight for dominance in this tryst, but it's just the urgency that makes it feel that way. There's tenderness in our disregard. Love in the lovelessness. The hot taste on your lips, clash with the cool words on your tongue. Dreams and want become tangible in the air and it feels like another lover in the room. Because without me ever knowing before, I had wanted this all along. And maybe I knew even then that these things could never be, that these moments wouldn't last. That the comfort that I found in your arms couldn't last as long as the memories will torment and stay._

Mikey remerges from the kitchen, coffee cup in hand, fake smile plastered across his face; and I wince at the site. How in the hell am I supposed to tell him why I feel this way? Why I can't face the thought of another miserable day trapped in this agony. Somehow I thought I was happy before that night and now I don't know how I can ever feel that way again.

_Two bodies collapse upon one another touched with ecstasy and bathed in relief. My fingers trail up your cheek and rest upon your raven hair. As I stroke spun silk I feel the comfort in your heart beat as you lean against my chest. I want to tell you how amazing this feels, how amazing it felt to be with you. But words won't come to me. And as quickly as we had come together I could feel us coming apart. I was losing you just as I'd found you. I grasp your chin and bring your lips to mine, knowing that this is our last kiss. For the moments before, the wonderful, impossible moments when you were mine and I yours, this is my requiem. You kiss me back and it's like I'm there again, when we stumbled into that room together. But I knew even then that this was the end._

Mikey settles beside me, places the coffee cup on the table beside my bed. I look at him guiltily and I can't help but smile at his concern.

"It's that girl isn't it?" He finally sighs, offering a half empty pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

And suppressing my urge to laugh I nod taking a cigarette from the pack guiltily. If only he knew. What would he think of me? I feel stupid sitting here beside him, as he waits for me to pour my heart out to him like I've done countless times before about that fictitious girl I say barely knows I exist.

"I finally got with her," I say, regret stinging at me for all my sins. "It didn't work out." I say trying to sound nonchalant; letting Mikey light my cigarette as I avoid his gaze.

_Angry words reverberate off black walls. Sentiments not meant but thrown out with spite. The look in your eyes that tells me there's no going back now. The desperation within me to tell you this venom wasn't meant. But pride takes it hold and the anger at this rejection is more than I can bear. I tell you this meant nothing, as little as it meant to you. And as I say it I can feel my heart breaking, but I know it's not within me to beg you to stay._

"Is she worth all this?" Mikey starts again suddenly, breaking the memories that had accosted my senses and almost made me forget he was here.

And what can I say? More than you'll ever know, Mikey. But I was never good at telling people how I feel, letting them see the weakness; and how can I tell Mikey about my deceit, that it's his brother I've been in love with all this time? Time to stop wallowing and put on a brave front, I think, blowing a lungful of smoke out into the air in front of me.

"No, " I sigh, staring ahead, watching the smoke dissipate out still, seeing your smile in the ether.

"Then what are we doing here?" Mikey laughs genuinely, throwing his arm around my shoulder. "Come on, let's go out." He smiles. "Get you back out in the world."

I take another sullen drag on my cigarette. All this feels like another cruel indignity.

"Look," Mikey says, suddenly, seriously. "These things. When they happen. Sometimes they're not meant to be you know? And there's times when I've lost something that matters to me… It's the memory of what was that keeps me going."

I look into his eyes and I think I know… It's as if he knows everything.

"When I'm old and life is behind me, I think I'll cherish those moments of my life. The ones that maybe right now I can't even bear. I'll remember and I'll thank god they happened, because the memories are precious and these things can't be changed. Just remember them for what they are."

I look at him sideways, and I think maybe for a long time I've underestimated my friend.

"Come on then," I say smiling, throwing my cigarette butt into the ashtray beside me. "Let's go make some memories."


End file.
